oh, and spending all your money on me, and all your time on me. @ 07:40
I don't know anymore.
I think that we're falling apart, I just don't know why. I guess you're busy. But what you said this morning made me think otherwise. Maybe, just maybe, you got bored of me. And decided to find someone else. I guess it's true that I'm a boring person, yet, I can't stop the pain from enveloping on me.
And school's seriously going to suck like heck. Sigh. Drama's fun, the only fun thing that I look forward to in school anymore. It's all just so different, and we're all falling apart to half time. And I miss him, so very terribly much. However, I guess that he's busy. And he's a flirt, apparently. According to what he said this afternoon/evening.
I don't understand why that hurts either. I have to be really sensitive to let such crap get to me. But you don't know about me, dear readers. You don't know much anymore, unless you happen to be either him, or my closest, bestest friends. You don't know how much hurt he's caused to me in the past. I'm not over the pain, I don't think it's possible to get over it so easily as I made it out to be. Remnants, the debris, still hurts. A little bit. And I can't help it.. It might be true that I hurt him, before he hurt me.
However, I don't know why I think otherwise. It's not a question of trust, it's just that, I'm not stupid. And I can read feelings, and thoughts, better than I let on to. I know that I didn't mean anything to him in the past, and maybe that hurts a bit. Because I know that my friends meant something to him, at least. Being nothing, is secondary. Why does he want to change suddenly, then? It's not like I changed much either. I believe I was nicer in the past, maybe. Therefore.. It's just weird.
The pain however, I'm pretty sure... Wasn't done on purpose. I guess he didn't give much thought to how painful it would be on my part, and just went on with it. But the pain was unbearable, it was terrible. Albeit the fact that he insists that pain was a recurrent and often met friend of his. The pain, is ineffable. So let me just paint up a situation for you, maybe you would understand should you try putting yourself into my shoes.
Imagine, knowing someone interesting, for the first time. This person, seemed friendly to you, and interesting. You wanted to get to know him better, with no intentions or whatever. You simply just wanted to be friends(hanguang, is it so hard to believe this..?). Friends. However, this person took no interest in you, even though you tried your best, to be a friend. To be nice to this person. And instead, he decided, to befriend your friend instead. And he asks you about this friend, this is when he takes notice of you. Simply, at the expense, of USING YOU, to get to know your friend better. And you? You're left behind, as the remnants. The debris. The what-could-have-been, but never-will-be.
somewhere too far for us to find.
Saturday, 27 March 2010
oh, and spending all your money on me, and all your time on me. @ 07:40
I don't know anymore.
I think that we're falling apart, I just don't know why. I guess you're busy. But what you said this morning made me think otherwise. Maybe, just maybe, you got bored of me. And decided to find someone else. I guess it's true that I'm a boring person, yet, I can't stop the pain from enveloping on me.
And school's seriously going to suck like heck. Sigh. Drama's fun, the only fun thing that I look forward to in school anymore. It's all just so different, and we're all falling apart to half time. And I miss him, so very terribly much. However, I guess that he's busy. And he's a flirt, apparently. According to what he said this afternoon/evening.
I don't understand why that hurts either. I have to be really sensitive to let such crap get to me. But you don't know about me, dear readers. You don't know much anymore, unless you happen to be either him, or my closest, bestest friends. You don't know how much hurt he's caused to me in the past. I'm not over the pain, I don't think it's possible to get over it so easily as I made it out to be. Remnants, the debris, still hurts. A little bit. And I can't help it.. It might be true that I hurt him, before he hurt me.
However, I don't know why I think otherwise. It's not a question of trust, it's just that, I'm not stupid. And I can read feelings, and thoughts, better than I let on to. I know that I didn't mean anything to him in the past, and maybe that hurts a bit. Because I know that my friends meant something to him, at least. Being nothing, is secondary. Why does he want to change suddenly, then? It's not like I changed much either. I believe I was nicer in the past, maybe. Therefore.. It's just weird.
The pain however, I'm pretty sure... Wasn't done on purpose. I guess he didn't give much thought to how painful it would be on my part, and just went on with it. But the pain was unbearable, it was terrible. Albeit the fact that he insists that pain was a recurrent and often met friend of his. The pain, is ineffable. So let me just paint up a situation for you, maybe you would understand should you try putting yourself into my shoes.
Imagine, knowing someone interesting, for the first time. This person, seemed friendly to you, and interesting. You wanted to get to know him better, with no intentions or whatever. You simply just wanted to be friends(hanguang, is it so hard to believe this..?). Friends. However, this person took no interest in you, even though you tried your best, to be a friend. To be nice to this person. And instead, he decided, to befriend your friend instead. And he asks you about this friend, this is when he takes notice of you. Simply, at the expense, of USING YOU, to get to know your friend better. And you? You're left behind, as the remnants. The debris. The what-could-have-been, but never-will-be.
I am Audrey. I have a much much longer name but I'll leave it as it is for the sake of internet safety measures. I like to believe that I'm a successful person in life, but that'd be called lying, won't it? But I'm not that bad, honestly. I'm from english drama,
but I debate too. Good lord, its not for the sake of my CCA points, but I really enjoy verbal fights and acting dramatic, no? Oh well, unless you're me, you'd prolly
not understand. My only main purpose in life is to become Mrs Jesse McCartney.
I'd like to believe that I live a purpose-driven life and I very much like the nuggets macdonald's has to offer. Umm, yummy. I find
cam-whoring insanely embarrassing but that hasn't stopped me yet.
That's about it. True, my opinion about cam-whoring isn't much of a clincher but hey, no one actually reads this part.
I am a certified bubble burster to be; emotionally or literally, you choose it.
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Wanna know more? (: Here, go on, stalk me. You know you want to.
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